Fractured families can find joy by reaching out to others

The Christmas holidays can be one of the most depressing times of the year for a lot of people. They try to decorate their homes, but their hearts are just not in it. While the carolers sing about joy, anticipation and romance, many just give a slight smile and wish it were so.

Traditions and carols speak of families gathering and sharing love and gifts all around, but that is not the reality for numerous people.

The death of a loved one during the past year leaves an empty chair at the dinner table. The bond of some families has been broken by divorce. The marriage of a child might have brought a disgruntled in-law into the family and destroyed the chemistry that once brought closeness.

Just the cadence of the years has caused some family members to spin off into their own orbit of existence, and the communication that held people together has disintegrated.

Offhand, I know of three senior parents whose adult sons will no longer speak to them. Conflicts and misunderstandings that should have easily been resolved have grown from the proverbial mole hills into giant mountains that block their relationships. Phone calls go unanswered, and Christmas presents are returned unopened.

This holiday season, these senior citizens, who should be enjoying children and grandchildren at their dinner table, will have only their memories of happier times as their Christmas present.

Sometimes one's personal faith will be a contributor to a developing distance in your family. Many Christians of the first century lost their natural relationships when they placed their faith in Jesus as their Christ. Jesus spoke of that possibility in Matthew 10:34-39.

The great missionary, Paul, hinted at professional and personal losses he experienced when he became a follower of Christ (Philippians 3:7).

Increasingly, few families have the idyllic standards of Christmas cards and stories. A pouting adult or an indulged child has ruined many Christmas celebrations. Holiday celebrations rarely satisfy the longing for intimacy. That probably will come from other relationships.

Because we have such high expectations about sharing the holidays with our natural families, perhaps we should redefine "family."

Our family may not be those people born into our natural lineage, but those individuals who chose to come close to us in a mutual relationship. Family is more an act of will than a birthright.

Many have experienced a closer relationship with outsiders than their own kinfolks. Proverbs 18:24 said there is a friend who is closer than a brother. "Better is a neighbor nearby than a brother far away" (Proverbs 27:10).

The senior citizen can become a surrogate grandparent to some child whose parents and grandparents have failed them. Total strangers can sometimes become brothers and sisters, and some have developed a parent-child relationship with foster children.

In Ephesians 2:19, Paul comforted the disenfranchised with the teaching that through their faith in him, Christ will break down the barriers between strangers and make of them a new family, the "household of God."

We should cherish family members who choose to maintain a close relationship, but we should not limit our family just to those in our lineage.

Even if the kids don't come home for Christmas, life can be very fulfilled if we look beyond the self-defined limits of our families to discover someone who would love to share this holiday with us and give us something more valuable than any gift purchased at the store.

Let's look outside our lineage, church, age or ethnic group. Some other hurting person is waiting to be included in our holiday embrace.

Who knows? When strangers start gathering at our holiday tables, it might provoke the kids to come home.